


Lex Luthor walks into a bar and gets free therapy

by Napstaspook



Category: DCU (Comics), Superman - All Media Types
Genre: Chatlogs, Crack, Dialogue-Only, M/M, RP, Therapy, chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 18:05:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16938111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Napstaspook/pseuds/Napstaspook
Summary: Dr. Red and a few others tries to help Lex with his feelings regarding Superman.





	Lex Luthor walks into a bar and gets free therapy

* * *

**Chatlog from the oblivion bar.**

* * *

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** I am a living timestream, how do you fix something like that?

 

 **Dr. Red:** I can make you just a little bit happier. You do want to be happy, don’t you, Hunter?

 

 **Hunter Zolomon** : Uh… I… I am not happy…

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Because… I just want everything I lost back.

 

 **Lex:** And what is that?

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** A whole universe, prime earth.

 

 **Dr. Red:** I can help you, Hunter. Would you like my help?

 

 **Lex:** How did you lose a whole universe?

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Barry! Flashpoint.

 

 **Lex:** Oh right.

 

 **Dr. Red:** I can help you fill the void that you feel where Prime Earth used to belong. Would you like help with that, Mr. Zolomon?

 

 **Lex:** Doctor, you sound kind of sketchy.

 **Lex:** No offense.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** How can you help me?

 

 **Dr. Red:** I am most certainly not, Mr. Luthor. Do you need help as well?

 **Lex:** Probably.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** You can only help me through helping me get in hypertime.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** To get the last force!

 **Hunter Zolomon:** The stillforce! So I can reshape the entire dc.

 

 **Lex:** Sounds simple.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Like a pimple.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Would you say that you have a compulsion, a need, a debilitating need to reshape your universe.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Yes.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** I need to do it.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** That's the only way to bring back my lost reality, the forgotten one.

 

 **Lex:** I can help you with that, Zolomon. If, I get a few ideas in when we reshape the universe.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Anything.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Does this need pose an inconvenience to you at times, Mr Zolomon?

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** What do you mean Doc?

 

 **Lex:** I want to be the ruler of earth.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Does it ever get in the way of your life, of your happiness?

 

 **Lex:** Well wanting something you can't have usually do, Doctor.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Yes.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Because that's only where I will find happiness.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Lex, sure. You can be ruler of earth, just don't make it a cage.

 

 **Lex:** Of course not. The only one that will be in a cage is Superman.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Is there any other way you could find happiness? A way that won't cause you pain or anything, Mr. Zolomon.

 

 **Lex:** It probably isn't.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** No.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** I am a living timestream, removed from time itself, history as well. No one knows me.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Except Wally.

 

 **Dr. Red:** _*Writes down notes*_ Do you want to be known?

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** No.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** I want my life back.

 

 **Lex:** And I want my hair back.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Lmao

 

 **Dr. Red:** _*Writes down notes and mutters*_ I am not equipped to help with your problem. I can help you find another version of happiness, if you'd like?

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Hah, another version of happiness.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** There's nothing else.

 

 **Dr. Red:** I see, Mr. Zolomon, I see. I fear I am not able to help you.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** You fool!

 

 **Lex:** Doctor, how do you suggest we find happiness though?

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, you are an egotistical, megalomaniac, but most CEO’s are, so, you're fine.

 

 **Lex:** Wow, you are the first therapist to ever tell me that.

 **Lex:** It’s true though.

 **Lex:** I should get a new wife.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Lol

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Though Lex, you kinda look like agent 47.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex does look like agent 47.

 

 **Lex:** We’re both bald and wear a suit. Thanks.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Is it true, Lex. I think you should confront Superman about the way you feel instead of getting a new wife?

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Lex has done that already, but Superman never listen.

 

 **Lex:** I don’t know what you’re talking about doctor…

 

 **Dr. Red:** Are you comfortable about your feelings?

 

 **Lex:** There is no feelings!

 

 **Dr. Red:** Alexander, this is a safe space, but I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.

 

 **Lex:** Only my father calls me Alexander.

 

 **Richard grayson:** Lionel is a badass.

 

 **Lex:** Lionel is the devil.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Do you mind me calling you Alexander or does that bring up too many memories?

 

 **Lex:** It’s…

 **Lex:** Just don’t call me that, I’m not Alexander.

 

 **Dr. Red:** _*Writes down notes*_ I understand, Lex, do you want to talk about your non - existent feelings for Superman?

 

 **Lex:** …

 **Lex:** Ok sure, I hate him.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Also, Lex, are you sure that hate is all there is?

 

 **Lex:** Of course! All he does is making my life hell.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, dig deeper. Tell me more about what you feel regarding Superman.

 

 **Lex:** I hate his suit such awful colors. And he basically wear the insignia of Alexander the great! It’s frustrating.

 

 **Dr. Red:** _*Writes down notes*_ Lex, on some level, just hear me out, on some level, do you have a respect for Superman or a need to be respected by Superman?

 

 **Lex:** Sure, I guess.

 **Lex:** I do want to be an equal to Superman, show him that I can be just as strong.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Good, Lex, we’re making progress. What are your feelings on your son with Superman?

 

 **Dr. Red:** Your experiment as you call him.

 

 **Lex:** He won’t let me see him… And I don’t exactly blame him for that.

 **Lex:** Though he was mostly my creation.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Is he more than an experiment to you, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** Sure, he was a great achievement too. A breakthrough in science!

 **Lex:** I had hoped he would remain at my side, he’d be a great asset to me. But of course everyone always favor Cl-Superman.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, I think I see one of the reasons why you’re unable to see him. You see him as an asset and an achievement, not a person. Also, were you just about to call Superman, Clark, his real name? There’s something you’re not telling me about your feelings regarding the Man Of Steel.

 

 **Lex:** Clark who? That loser at the planet?

 **Lex:** Don’t know him.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Lol

 

 **Dr. Red:** You know who he is, don’t you, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** Superman is an alien living in the arctic, called Karl something.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** _*Whispers to Lex*_ Clark.

 

 **Lex:** What about him?

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** _*Whispers again*_ Clark is Superman.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, listen, for the smartest man on Earth, you really can’t see past your hatred for Superman.

 

 **Lex:** Ok ok I won’t have you both think I’m an idiot, of course I know.

 **Lex:** Just keep it a secret, please.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** _*cough* *cough*_

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** I have no idea what you’re talking about Lex. _*Wink*_

 

 **Lex:** Maybe not, but the same can be said for Superman.

 

 **Dr. Red:** That’s true, Lex, don’t over react, but do you possibly have any feelings of love or likeness towards Clark?

 

 **Lex:** Before Superman we used to be friends.

 **Lex:** And I guess, once I love someone it doesn't ever go away. My father abused me all my life and I want nothing to do with him. But I love him still.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Did you ever want to be more than friends, Lex?

 **Dr. Red:** Truly more than friends?

 

 **Lex:** That’s irrelevant.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, you’re safe talking to me. Do you love Superman?

 

 **Ruggie:** Therapy gettin intense

 

 **Hunter Zolomon** : Indeed Ruggie.

 

 **Dr. Red:** I believe that Lex needs this growth.

 

 **Lex:** I hate him. He breaks my stuff, foils my plans, he took my son, he just takes and takes, everything I have.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** That’s the spirit, Lex.

 

 **Ruggie:** HE’S A ROOD BOI LET IT OUT

 

 **Lex:** Still… I do.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Every single time that I bring Superman and you together. You push yourselves apart. Do you not believe that you deserve happiness?

 

 **Lex:** It’s whatever, I’m used to loving people who hates me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 **Festive Batman:** Oh shit

 **Festive Batman:** _*gets popcorn*_

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, I believe that everyone deserves happiness, even you, Lex Luthor, even you.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Lex did you kick gorilla grodd from the society?

 

 **Lex:** Yes.

 **Lex:** Hate that monkey.

 

 **Ruggie:** Ok but like grodd is annoying.

 

 **Lex:** He said he was smarter than me, ME.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Grodd is a piece of shit.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, you deserve happiness and you need to move past Superman. You need to find another person to fulfill you. Our session is done, same time next week, and think about what we talked about.

 

 **Lex:** Yeah, I’ll just get another wife.

 **Lex:** And I’ll make a new son.

 **Lex:** I have almost collected enough samples.

 

 **Dr. Red:** _*Writes down*_ Lex is too arrogant to take advice from anyone else than himself. Hunter is too obsessed. Ruggie needs to channel the evil into a good outlet.

 

 **Lex:** I give myself excellent advice.

 

 **Festive Batman:** What kind of samples? _*lenny face*_

 

 **Lex:** Oh you know, hair, spit, blood, tissue.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Well my office is closed for today. My other businesses are still open though.

 

 **Lex:** What other businesses do you have doctor?

 

 **Dr. Red:** Red Real Estate, Red Studios, and Crimson gaming are my other businesses.

 

 **Lex** : Impressive.

 

 **Aquaman:** I’m back

 

 **Dr. Red:** Arthur, I had a great therapy session with Lex and Hunter.

 

 **Hunter zolomon:** This was not therapy, it didn’t help us.

 

* * *

**The next day**

* * *

 

 **Dr. Red:** Hello.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Hello there.

 

 **Lex:** Hey, Red. I just got married again. And divorced. It was a happy ten minutes.

 

 **Marty Mcfly:** Damn

 

 **Lex:** At least this one didn’t try to kill me.

 

 **Aquaman:** Oof.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Do you have any residual feeling for this person, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** Nah, though I was looking forward to the honeymoon.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Why is that, Lex?

 

_Lex deleted a message._

 

 **Lex:** Well I was up for a vacation.

 

 **Dr. Red:** You didn’t want to go alone, I see, Lex, are you lonely?

 

 **Lex:** Pfh, no.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Are you one hundred percent sure about that?

 

 **Lex:** I can easily get company if I want to.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Good company?

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Lol.

 

 **Lex:** Well… I guess so.

 

 **Dr. Red:** You guess or you know?

 

 **Lex:** It’s whatever. I don’t care that much.

 

 **Dr. Red:** If you’re lonely?

 

 **Lex:** It’s been a fact all my life, Luthor’s don’t have friends. Only people that benefit us.

 

 **Dr. Red:** *Writes down notes* Do you want friends?

 

 **Lex:** They’re unnecessary.

 

 **Dr. Red:** You didn’t answer my question, Lex. Would you like a friend?

 

 **Lex:** Someone I could trust perhaps. Loyal employees are nearly impossible to come by.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Lex

 **Hunter Zolomon:** I’m gonna follow you. Not because you made me a victim, but because I think you are funny.

 

 **Lex:** Thank you, Zolomon. I’m glad you find me amusing.

 

 **Dr. Red:** See, Lex, now you have Hunter. Do you trust Hunter?

 

 **Lex:** I don’t trust easily.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Do you trust Hunter Zolomon?

 

 **Lex:** I’ve only known him for about a day. But I respect him.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Interesting, do you trust me?

 

 **Lex:** You’re my therapist, ish, of course I don’t trust you. I haven’t had a single legitimate therapist that didn’t sell the information on to either the Daily planet or my father.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Lex doesn't have to trust me, I would understand why.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Do you see your trust issues as a problem?

 

 **Lex:** Yeah, I do, it's mostly why I haven’t completely given up on therapy yet, despite the information always getting leaked. Still, being paranoid doesn't mean they’re not out to get you. It has often been the thing that saved my life.

 **Lex:** If it’s not Superman or a homicidal wife, it’s the paranoia that destroys my marriages.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Have you always been paranoid?

 

 **Lex:** People have been trying to kill me nearly all my life, so yes. And those I thought loved me, betrayed me.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Does your paranoia ever pose an inconvenience to your everyday life?

 

 **Lex:** Well it is tiresome, I can rarely relax without a few bottles of scotch.

 

 **Dr. Red:** _*writes down notes*_ Possible alcoholic. _*Finishes notes*_

 **Dr. Red** **:** Are you still paranoid even after your bottles of scotch?

 

 **Lex:** Depends on how much I’m having.

 

 **Dr. Red:** How much do you usually have, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** Two bottles maybe, it depends.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Does the scotch comfort you?

 

 **Lex:** Not always, sometimes it just makes me more miserable.

 

 **Dr. Red:** How much more miserable?

 

 **Lex:** Well, enough to make me jump from my penthouse balcony a few times. Of course Superman always catches me though.

 **Lex:** That bastard.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lmao

 **Dr. Red:** Sorry, sorry. So do you hate Superman for that?

 

 **Festive Batman:** Gay.

 

 **Lex:** It’s fine, and yes. It’s humiliating.

 

 **Dr. Red:** To rely on another human being, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** Superman is not a human, he’s an alien.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Are you intimidated by that fact?

 

 **Lex:** A little.

 

 **Festive Batman:** He means a lot.

 

 **Lex:** I am trying to be more accepting of aliens, Batman. I just don’t want them to be what us humans rely on. We need to be able to take care of ourselves, without the aid of outside help.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Do you mean a lot like Mr. Batman said, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** A little.

 

 **Dr. Red:** So, you love Supes, but you’re intimidated by him?

 

 **Lex:** I have conflicted feelings about him.

 

 **Festive Batman:** _*Eats popcorn*_

 

 **Dr. Red:** Yes, Lex, I know. Which feelings are stronger though?

 

 **Starfire:** Do you got a problem with aliens?

 

 **Festive Batman:** Duh, he's Lex Luthor. Of course he does.

 

 **Starfire:** Never heard of him.

 

 **Lex:** It really depends on my mood. Goes up and down. Some days I just want to kill him.

 

 **Starfire:** So it's just kryptonian people you don't like?

 

 **Dr. Red:** Why don't you like kryptonian people, Lex, explain your feelings.

 

 **Lex:** It's not especially them. It's aliens who think they have some sort of weird responsibility for all humans. Aliens who think they know better than us.

 

 **Starfire:** What if I do know better than you?

 

 **Dr. Red:** They want to protect us. Starfire and Superman and other heroic aliens wants to help. How can't you see that?

 **Dr. Red:** Also, hi, Star. I'm doctor as you can see.

 

 **Lex:** I do see that, don't get me wrong. I admire some of the things they do.

 **Lex:** How can I not.

 

 **Dr. Red:** What do you admire, Lex, give me an example.

 **Dr. Red:** We might be able to get to the root of your problem.

 

 **Lex:** Their powers and abilities, even their courage and will to help. Its impressive, I do see all that. But what most heroes do, especially alien ones, is thinking they are above everyone else. They go headfirst into danger like an adrenaline junkie and saves the day, not giving us a single chance at solving our own problems. My concern is that we'll all get too comfortable with this, and eventually be completely reliable on outside help.

 **Lex:** Superman is not reliable.

 **Lex:** He's just one man.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Then why do you rely on him at times, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** It's my weakness.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Relying on people and aliens is a strength. It's not a weakness, Lex.

 

 **Aquaman:** Lex is big gay.

 **Aquaman:** You know he has a crush on Superman.

 

 **Lex:** Shut up, Arthur.

 

 **Festive Batman:** _*Sips tea*_

 

 **Dr. Red:** Being gay isn't a problem. We all accept Lex for who he is.

 

 **Lex:** I'm not gay.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Well, we accept you for the megalomaniac you are.

 

 **Lex:** Good.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, our session is over for today. We made progress, but not as much as yesterday. That is fine though.

 

 **Lex:** Thanks for listening, Red.

 **Lex:** You're not working for my father right?

 **Lex:** Or perhaps Lois Lane?

 

 **Dr. Red:** No, I am not. I'm working for your peace of mind.

 

 **Lex:** That's a first.

 

* * *

  **Later same day**

* * *

 

 **Lex:** Ok so, apparently my latest wife, now ex-wife, did in fact intend to kill me. We just weren't married long enough for her to play out her game.

 

 **Dr. Red:** How did you find this out, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** I found poison in the suitcase she packed for the honeymoon, I was looking for that bottle of champagne she told me about.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Are you sure this was lethal poison?

 

 **Lex:** Yes, I know poison. I also had my expert take a look at it.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Now, why did you contact me with this information? The old Lex would have had someone hunt this woman down and whatnot.

 

 **Lex:** She is already in prison.

 **Lex:** Not for my murder attempt though.

 **Lex** : And I don't know I might be a bit drunk.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Why is she in prison Lex?

 

 **Lex** : About ten minutes after the ceremony,  Superman snatched her up with no comment. I found out later from the police that she had stolen a great deal of money from some charity event the previous week.

 **Lex:** Naturally, I filed for a divorce as soon as I heard this.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Interesting, also, how many bottles of scotch have you had, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** One, and a bit of champagne that may be poisoned.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, do you have a drinking problem?

 

 **Lex:** I wouldn't call it a problem.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, do you have control over this problem?

 

 **Lex:** I have control...

 **Lex:** I think Superman is a creep, he can see through walls! He could be looking at me right now and I wouldn't know.

 **Lex:** Well, my penthouse is lead lined though.

 

 **Aquaman:** Yeah, I was going to say.

 

 **Lex:** I should line my clothes with lead too.

 **Lex:** I should start a clothing brand, named… Lex something, that specializes in lead lined clothing.

 **Lex:** People would buy it.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Do you think Superman enjoys seeing you through your clothes or even does that?

 

 **Lex:** I don't know, but I know he does it. I wrote ‘Hello creep' on my chest once and I'm pretty sure he read it.

 **Lex:** He looked at me weirdly.

 

 **Richard grayson** : Lex, everyone looks at you weirdly.

 

 **Lex:** Well weirder than usual.

 

 **Dr. Red** : Everyone looks at you weirdly, Lex, Grayson is right. Why do you think that he'd want to look at you?

 **Dr. Red:** No offense.

 

 **Lex:** None taken. And I don't know, just because he can?

 

 **Dr. Red:** Do you want him to look at you? Do you want him to notice you?

 

 **Lex:** Pfh

 **Lex:** No.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Interesting, you usually give longer answers to show how much you know. Now, I wonder why you didn't give me a long answer on that singular question.

 

 **Crazy Non-ho:** I know why.

 **Crazy Non-ho:** Cuz u GAY.

 

 **Lex:** The only time I want him to see me, is when I.. I win.

 

 **Richard grayson:** Lex has a crush on supes.

 

 **Lex:** Shut up, Grayson.

 

 **Dr. Red:** _*Whispers to Grayson*_ I know.

 **Dr. Red:** Why do you want him to see your victory, Lex? Do you want to impress him?

 

 **Lex:** Well as I said earlier, I do want to show him that I can be just as strong. Prove myself to be his equal. That he is not above me.

 

 **Dr. Red:** He does not believe that he is above you.

 

 **Kim:** I don't know who you are talking about but if you see things through his eyes, you'll see things differently.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Kim is right, Lex.

 

 **Lex:** What do you know about what he thinks? He always reminds me how 'evil' I am, and every time I try to do something good, help his little band of heroes or whatever, he looks down on me. He pities me, doubts me, he doesn't believe in me at all, he gives me no chance. The only time he looked at me, really looked at me as something else than this pitiful thing, he was begging for his life.

 

 **Bane:** Just a thought, have you tried manufacturing things out of his weakness? Them crystal things.

 

 **Lex** : Of course, Bane. Once, I strapped ten thousand tiny shards of kryptonite to birds and set them loose on the city.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Don't listen to Bane, Lex.

 

 **Kim:** Well I guess you just have to prove him wrong, show him you ain't evil.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, he doubts you when you try to help because of your past crimes. Also, think of his point of view when you're breaking the law. If someone was breaking the law and you were Superman, wouldn't you stop them?

 

 **Lex:** I guess…

 

 **Dr. Red:** Do you see things from his point of view now, Lex?

 

 **Kim:** Yeah take some time to think and then prove yourself to him.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Don’t prove yourself in a rash manor though.

 

 **Lex:** My first crime was being my father's son. Superman punished me for that. And it just escalated from there. I was wronged, thats how all of this started and now I can't... go back. He took down lab after lab, said things about me to the press, he never came to me personally with this first, he betrayed me. He used me to gain his fame!

 

 **Kim:** Well that's fucked up, if anything he's the evil one if you ask me.

 

 **Lex:** Exactly.

 **Lex:** He also is the reason I lost my hair.

  
**Kim:** Well, Imma find that sorry excuse of a hero and beat the motherfucker with a motherfucker.

 

 **Dr. Red:** If you “ can't “ go back, Lex. Why are you here? What help do you want?

 

 **Lex:** I don't know…

 

 **Dr. Red:** I think you do. I think that in some part of you, you know you need help.

 

 **Kim:** Yeah we can help!

 

 **Lex:** So, you'll help me kill Superman then?

 

 **Bane:** They may not but I will, Lex.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, you're not killing Superman. And Kim and Bane, stop encouraging him.

  
**Kim:** That's no fun but ok.

 ****  
**Lex:** Fine.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Now, Lex, do you have any more news that you'd like to share?

 

 **Lex:** Not really. But  I kind of want to jump off  
the balcony.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Why do you feel that way, Lex?

 

 **Lex:** Life feels impossible at times. Everyone fighting me on everything I'm trying to do, even when it is for something good. Whatever I do, people just want me to fail. I may be an extremely successful man, but I don't feel like I have really achieved anything.

 

 **Awake:** Don't jump off a balcony.

 **Awake:** You could survive the fall.

 **Awake:** Jump in front of a train instead.

 

 **Kim:** Don't give him ideas.

 

 **Festive Batman:** Superman will probably come save him and that’ll make him more mad.

 

 **Lex:** Yeah, Batman is right. It has already happened like three times.

 **Lex:** I tried to sue him for it.

 

 **Dr. Red:** No one wants you to fail, Lex. There truly is nothing bad or fearful in the world. There is only your perception which leads you to believe your minds opinion.

 

 **Festive Batman:** I could make a long list of what's wrong with the world. Why do you think me or superman do what we do?

 

 **Lex:** Adding to the list, Bruce.

  
**Kim:** Why not be like the hero killer Stain, his work is effective.

  
**Dr. Red:** Kim, don't suggest Stain.

 **Dr. Red:** This therapy session was going smoothly until Lex got the idea to listen to people without a degree.

 

 **Lex:** Superman wants me to fail.

 **Lex:** He doesn't want me to improve, he doesn't want me to die, he just wants me to rot.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Superman doesn't want you to fail. He wants you to stop with your evil deeds.

 

 **Lex:** Maybe I would if he showed a tiny bit of belief in me.

 **Lex:** And stopped being a bully.

 

 **Festive Batman:** You just want him to smooch you.

 

 **Dr. Red:** How is he a bully?

 

 **Lex:** One time, he just randomly picked me up from my balcony and flew me to Europe, he left me somewhere in Germany without any explanation at all. It took me 27 hours to get back to the states.

 **Lex:** He also calls my inventions stupid.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Why did he do that? Put you in Germany, I mean.

 **Lex:** I have no idea, I never got an answer.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Because Superman can be a prick sometimes.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** He's a fool.

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Like flash, except me of course.

 

 **Festive Batman:** You sure he wasn't brainwashed, or that was a clone or a superman from an alternate dimension. That happens alot.

 

 **Hunter Zolomon:** Why would he do that if it didn't put Lex in danger nor was it necessary for both?

 **Hunter Zolomon:** A clone, nor a alternate dimension Superman wouldn't even do something that doesn't have a mission.

 

 **Lex:** I'm pretty sure, he does it all the time. He even smiles a little when I try confront him about it.

 

 **Dr. Red:** You must've done something to annoy Superman, Lex. Your inventions are also something that hurts him and why would he like them?

 **Dr. Red:** What do you mean by smile a little bit?

 

 **Zoren:** Oh shit there's a Lex.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Zoren, he's in therapy with me, don't worry about him.

 

 **Zoren:** Good so he's a good person.

 

 **Dr. Red:** He's not as violent as he used to be. He made a great amount of progress yesterday.

 

 **Lex:** He never say anything when I ask him about it, just flashes one of those ‘I'm better than you’ smirks and leaps off.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lex, those smirks don't mean he's better than you.

 

 **Lex:** No, it doesn't mean he's better than me. (He is not) It's just what he thinks.

 

 **Festive Batman:** Is that true Clark?

 **Festive Batman:** I mean Superman.

 

 **Dr. Red:** He doesn't think that, Lex.

 

 **Lex:** You stay out of it Bat

 

 **Festive Batman:** No

 

 **Super Clark:** I don't even know what's going on.

 

 **Lex:** And you don't need to either, go save a kitten.

 

 **Festive Batman:** Lex salty.

 

 **Super Clark:** Seems so.

 **Super Clark:** Like always.

 

 **Festive Batman:** Yep.

 

 **Dr. Red:** Lol, Festive Batman.


End file.
